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Hopkins Replaces Christ Statue With Bloomberg

JakeConlan

Hopkins Replaces Christ Statue With Bloomberg Philanthropist claims he saved more people   Baltimore (SPP) – Johns Hopkins Hospital announced today that they had replaced the giant statue of Jesus in their administrative building with a statue of billionaire businessman, politician, and philanthropist, Michael Bloomberg. Hopkins President, Redonda Miller, stated in a press release that this was in response to another generous gift from Bloomberg. She also stated that it was “more in keeping with the times, so that people of all religions and none can feel more welcome.” Bloomberg…

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Annapolis Anne Arundel government national news 

Of Course I Voted for Trump, You Idiots

JakeConlan

Of Course I Voted for Trump, You Idiots Special OP-ED from Governor Larry Hogan Annapolis (SPP) Now that I’ve safely won re-election, it’s time for me to get some things off my chest. I’ve been waiting for a long time to do this. As you know, thanks to those morons in Prince George’s County and Baltimore City and those know-it-all elitist white liberals in Montgomery, Maryland is a State that Republicans aren’t supposed to win. But I got some lucky breaks. Four years ago, I somehow managed to come out…

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Annapolis government national news 

Hillary Clinton Blames Annapolis Sidewalks For Loss

JakeConlan

Hillary Clinton Blames Annapolis Sidewalks For Loss Adds to long list of blame Annapolis (SPP) – The sidewalks in downtown Annapolis have long been criticized for being dangerous. The uneven bricks have caused even the most cautious walkers and runners to fall. But according to Hillary Clinton, in an exclusive interview with The Super Patriot Post, the poorly constructed and maintained walkways are responsible not just for a few bruises and bruised egos, but for the Trump administration. She blames falling in Annapolis during the summer of 2016 for her…

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Annapolis Anne Arundel crime government national news 

Taney Statue Replaced by Hogan and Franchot

JakeConlan

Taney Statue Replaced by Hogan and Franchot Pair came up with the idea while drinking Maryland beer Annapolis (SPP) – St. Patrick’s Day came a little late for Maryland Governor Larry Hogan and Comptroller Peter Franchot this year. After a day of hard drinking yesterday, the duo came up with a replacement for the statute of Chief Justice Roger B. Taney, which was controversially removed by Hogan last August. Taney was the first Marylander to serve as Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court, but he was infamous for authoring…

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Annapolis Anne Arundel government national news 

Trump Uses Shutdown to End Public Housing

JakeConlan

Trump Uses Shutdown to End Public Housing Schuh races to bulldoze and replace with condos Annapolis (SPP) – City and County leaders responded with both horror and glee to a decision by the Trump administration to use the government shutdown to end Federally funded public housing in America. Citing the inability to pay for upkeep, the Trump administration announced today that it was unable to safely run the units. Accordingly, all public housing units will be bulldozed and auctioned off to pay government debt. The White House stated that they…

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Annapolis Anne Arundel crime government national news 

Maryland Democrats Accuse Schuh of Russian Ties

JakeConlan

Maryland Democrats Accuse Schuh of Russian Ties Anne Arundel County Executive Denies Charges Annapolis (SPP) – Maryland Democrats accused Anne Arundel County Executive Steve Schuh (R) of having Russian ties today. Kathleen Matthews, head of the Maryland Democrat Party, stated that she had “firm evidence” linking Mr. Schuh to the Kremlin. At a hastily organized press conference this afternoon, Matthews argued her case. “First, look at that ridiculous outfit, especially that hat, that he wore the other day while going door to door in Crofton. No proud American, who isn’t…

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Annapolis celebrity crime national news 

Subway Brings Back Jared as a Spokesman

JakeConlan

Subway Brings Back Jared as a Spokesman Company Hopes People Didn’t Know About Legal Difficulties Annapolis (SPP) – Faced with declining sales, Subway Restaurant announced a controversial new marketing strategy today involving Jared Fogle. Fogle came to fame in 2000, after losing 200 lbs on a Subway diet. He later went on to become a successful spokesman for the company and played a major role in driving sales. Fogle was later convicted in 2015 of possessing child pornography and was sentenced to 15 years in Federal Prison. After his arrest,…

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Annapolis national news 

Annapolis City Council Votes To Raise Taxes

JakeConlan

Annapolis City Council Votes To Raise Taxes Say it is a response to the “GOP Taxscam” Annapolis (SPP) – The Annapolis City Council voted last night to raise taxes in response to the Republican tax bill that recently passed Congress. Called the Tax Fairness Act, it imposes a 14% corporate income tax on city businesses. The GOP tax bill reduced corporate taxes from 35% to 21%. Similarly, using a complex formula, an income tax will be assessed on residents depending on how much they saved on their taxes. For example,…

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