Local Catholics Mystified by Pope’s Recent Actions

Marrying gay couple questioned

Annapolis (SPP) – Local Catholics awoke this morning to stunning news about recent developments from Rome. While Pope Francis has always been known to be a bit of a liberal, his most recent actions have caused some Catholics great concern.

Just weeks after reports that the Pontiff denied the existence of Hell, a part of Catholic doctrine, reports surfaced that he officiated at the marriage of a gay couple. According to Italian media sources, the Pope’s interior designer, Galeazzo Lo Duca, approached Pope Francis asking him to officiate his gay marriage to his partner of ten years, Prospero Romano. The Pope, who is very fond of all of his Vatican staff, reportedly could not bring himself to say no.

The ceremony was held five days ago in the Pope’s private apartment and was secretly recorded by one of the members of the small wedding party on an iPhone.

The revelation of this has caused outrage among the College of Cardinals and many others as the Catholic Church does not recognize the validity of homosexual unions and considers homosexual sex to be a mortal sin.

At the brief ceremony, the smiling Pope spoke a few words about his fraternal love for his interior designer and wished the couple well. He even gave them a wedding gift, a brand new toaster oven.

To add fuel to the fire, it was later revealed that the couple were both practicing Satanists and Romano was transitioning to a woman. Romano told reporters that he planned to have an uterus implanted so that he could become pregnant and have the first transgendered abortion. “I want to be a trail blazer for the rights of men who become women,” Romano said.

When contacted, the Vatican issued a statement that read, “The Church believes that our greatest strength is our diversity. We believe that we can fill pews by displaying our love for one another.”

When reached for comment outside of St. Mary’s Church, one parishioner, Brody Gray, said, “wait, what?” Another church-goer, Lucy Patterson, told The Super Patriot Post, “If I wanted to put up with that sort of nonsense, I would have become an Episcopalian.” Alex Perkins, also on his way to attend Mass said, “Francis really is the Pope of surprises. Honestly, it is hard to tell the difference these days between satire and reality.”