Mayor-elect Gavin Buckley Proposes Importing Kangaroos into Annapolis

Genetically Modified Animals Would be Auctioned off to Perform Jobs

Annapolis (SPP) – Mayor-elect Gavin Buckley appeared downtown today with a furry friend, a live kangaroo, to promote his latest plan to improve the quality of life for all Annapolitans. Dubbed Operation Hippety Hopper, Buckley proposed that the city import kangaroos from Australia. Not normal kangaroos, but genetically modified ones that would be able to do basic tasks, such as serving drinks or carrying a rickshaw.

Last year at the University of Queensland, scientists were able to successfully create and then breed kangaroos that had tiny human brains implanted in them. After just a few weeks of training, they showed themselves able to do simple tasks, such as cleaning houses and serving food. Scientists hoped that they will be helpful in places like Japan that have an aging population and a lack of workers to care for them. Buckley, however, has much more fun jobs in mind.

“Imagine an Annapolis where we bring in genetically modified almost human beasts into city dock and then auction them off just a few feet away at Market House. Imagine an Annapolis where people can get basic services provided for them for next to nothing. Imagine an Annapolis where we can cut down on traffic and reduce our global footprint by having kangaroos carrying us around in Rickshaws, or as I like to call them, Rooshaws. Imagine what that will do for our tourism. Imagine the excitement,” Buckley yelled to onlookers.

Buckley indicated that he expected the city to make money from the project by auctioning the kangaroos to wealthy residents and businessmen. “I hope to have my restaurants stocked with Roo servers. It will be a big initial expense, but eventually I’m going to save a lot on my payroll.”

Buckley noted that once purchased the beasts required very little upkeep except for some basic food and shelter. “These are very hardy animals. You can just build a shed for them in your backyard and they will be happy. They are very easy to please.”

After making his announcement, Buckley, who appeared to be slightly intoxicated, stumbled off. The kangaroo stuck around and attacked Dr. Z an hour later when he showed up to play the piano.