Alderman Fred Paone Exposed as a Robot
Alderman Fred Paone Exposed as a Robot
Sole Republican on the Council Actually Died in 2012
Annapolis (SPP) – Bad news for Republicans in Annapolis after it was revealed today that Alderman Fred Paone (Rep.) is a robot and thus ineligible to serve on the Annapolis City Council. The City Charter specifies that only living humans may hold office.
This first came to light last night at the Annapolis Hanukkah Bush lighting when Paone, who was in the crowd, started to malfunction and fell to the ground. He was initially rushed to Anne Arundel Medical Center where baffled doctors and nurses struggled for minutes to figure out what was wrong with him, only to eventually discover that he was, in fact, a robot.
Paone was then transferred to the local Best Buy, where the Greek Squad was able to fix his malfunction in their robot lab.
Our investigation revealed that Paone passed away in 2012 from a massive heart attack. Shortly thereafter, his family was able to obtain an experimental Google Bot that they designed to look like him. The robot was so convincing, that they decided to pretend it was him and to see if others would catch on. No one had until last night’s malfunction.
When reached for comment, Robot Fred Paone said he was disappointed about being forced off the council, but was looking forward to spending more time with his family.
Kurt Riegel (Dem.), Paone’s general election opponent in 2013 and 2017, said he was looking forward to losing to a real human in the next election.
